A Wedding of Our Own

What didn't matter, and finding my "wedding zen"

2010-07-14T18:26:00.005-05:00

In the months leading up to our wedding, I definitely was stressed about the details. Despite my stress, I somehow managed to find my "wedding zen" a few days before the wedding. Once we got to Madison, I didn't want to work on any more wedding tasks. I wanted to drink Wisconsin beer and sit outside with my friends, I wanted to go to my favorite restaurants in Madison that I missed, I wanted to stay up late sitting in our best man's living room, laughing and talking about nothing and everything. And that's what I did. I even went to see Sex and The City 2 with all of my friends who were in town, the day before the wedding. I had 8 missed calls after the movie was over. I looked at them, and then turned off my phone. I'm a bad ass.

Here is what didn't matter:

-I didn't really like our flowers. My bouquet had purple in it, and I really can't stand purple, especially when it's mixed with pink. But I LOVED the last minute flowers Tami (the restaurant owner) put together for the outside tables. So I focused on those.
-My mom was super angry about anything and everything, but disguising it in the most disgustingly passive-aggressive way. I showered her with kindness and moved on.
-Our hand-fasting ceremony didn't go exactly as planned, because we didn't rehearse it with the ribbons (which we forgot to bring to the rehearsal, probably because I was at SATC2 about an hour before). It was still incredibly moving and special.
-Our iPod play-list was on shuffle, so immediately after our first dance, "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough" came on. Not the transition we were looking for, but everyone busted a move, and we modified the playlist accordingly.
-The programs didn't get passed out until the last minute. My awesome preggo bridesmaid (and pretty much the go-to person for anything ceremony related) realized that the groomsmen forgot to pass them out, and busted out the programs right before we began our procession.
-I left the vintage handkerchiefs I painstakingly collected for months in New Orleans. Now I have a cool collection that I have no idea what to do with.

You will forget some of the details you worked so hard on. People won't behave the way you want them. Not every vendor is going to perfectly execute your vision. Your wedding will not be perfect.

But when you walk down that aisle and see your future partner waiting with an expression on their face like this:

that is all you will care about. I promise.

*all photos by the incredibly talented Kara Layne. The first is of the outside of the restaurant where our reception was held, along with those awesome flowers from the farmers market that Tami put together at the last minute.

Our (surprisingly successful) dancing playlist

2010-06-30T10:26:00.004-05:00

I mentioned before that we had an iPod wedding. Putting together the cocktail and dinner playlist was amazing, and pretty much a piece of cake. The husband is a HUGE music snob, he's that guy that knows about a band before anyone else does. (This was actually mentioned during a toast at our wedding, and everyone cracked up.) We had a great time putting together 5+ hours of music that we've come to love over the last 6 years we've been together.

And the dancing playlist? The future hubs (at that time) wanted NOTHING to do with it. While I've definitely gotten into the music that he likes, I am not above rocking out to mainstream pop music. At the same time, I DESPISE cheesy wedding music. Putting together the dancing playlist was on my to-do list from the beginning, and I seriously stressed about it. Finally, I enlisted the help of some friends, relied heavily on advice from fellow bloggers, and bit the bullet. I was so nervous that no one would dance, but it actually was a huge success.

All I wanted when I was planning my playlist was examples from "cool" weddings. So I hope this helps some of you!

New Partner    the frames (this was our first dance song)
First Day of My Life Bright Eyes
Blister In the Sun    Violent Femmes *
Hey Ya! OutKast
Give it 2 Me    Madonna
P.Y.T.    Michael Jackson
Superstition    Stevie Wonder
These Arms of Mine    Otis Redding
Let's Stay Together    Al Green
Gold Digger Kanye West
Single Ladies    Beyoncé    *
Bust a Move    Young MC
Billie Jean    Michael Jackson *
Carry Out    Timbaland (featuring J.T.) *
Just Dance    Lady GaGa & Colby O'Donis    *
That's Where It's At    Sam Cooke
Marry Song    Band Of Horses
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough Michael Jackson
Poison    Bell Biv DeVoe    *
Ignition (Remix)    R. Kelly    *
Kiss    Prince & The Revolution
Promiscuous    Nelly Furtado
Sexy Chick (feat. Akon) David Guetta
Cupid Shuffle    Cupid    *
January Wedding    The Avett Brothers
Sea Of Love Cat Power
(When You Gonna) Give It Up to Me Keyshia Cole & Sean Paul    *
Tik Tok    Ke$ha    *
Track 16    Neal's mashups Volume 3
Forever    Chris Brown    *
Sussudio    Phil Collins    *
You Make My Dreams    Hall & Oates    *
Juicy    The Notorious B.I.G.
Galang    M.I.A.
OMG (feat. will.i.am) Usher    *

*these were the songs that had people in a dancing frenzy. Don't ask about Sussudio. You would have to know our friends.

It happened...plus a sneak peek from our wedding

2010-06-03T10:35:00.005-05:00

And it was wonderful. Of course there were things that went wrong, but I didn't care. It was an amazing experience, and I was just so full of joy and gratitude all day long. I will be doing recaps as soon as I am not exhausted and swamped with work, but for now check out our photographer's sneak peek on her blog.

http://www.karalayneblog.com/journal/2010/6/1/lindsey-patrick.html

Ooh, and if you comment on our photographer's blog post, you will help us win some free prints! (50 comments gets us an 8X10, two 5X7s, and an 11X14. So help a sister out...)

This is why we plan weddings...

2010-05-04T09:05:00.002-05:00

From Jose Villa

Dumping my first vendor

2010-04-06T10:12:00.002-05:00

Breaking up is hard to do y'all. Seriously.

I am very picky when it comes to my hair. And I'm not just your average picky girl. I grew up in a salon. My mom was a nail technician, and also did make-up and facials, and I would go there after school when she didn't have a baby-sitter for me. When I was too old for a baby sitter, I became the salon mascot of sorts. I swept hair, folded towels, folded foils, cleaned out sinks, ran errands, etc. The stylists tipped me out, and I had it made. I never once paid for hair cut/style/color/products, and the girls experimented with my crazy thick hair when they were bored.

I had an amazing guy in Madison who did my hair. At this ridiculously amazing, sort of punk-rock salon that I adored. (here is their website if you want to check it out: http://www.chachahair.com/)
Unfortunately, Jason doesn't really do up-dos. He sort of hates them. So I felt bad asking him to do mine for the wedding. I asked a friend of a friend, and over the holidays I had my trial. I went to her armed with these inspiration pictures.

Source

I have no idea where this one is from, let me know if you do.

What she gave me was a frizzy, lopsided mess.

She kept saying things like "on the day of, I will smooth it out, on the day of, I will curl it a little". What I couldn't figure out, is why she was charging me for a trial, yet not doing the things she would do on the day of?

I think my face here pretty much says it all. I was not impressed. So I emailed/pleaded with Jason, and he basically laughed at me for not asking him sooner. Then I broke up with my stylist over an email. Some things just have to be done.

Have you had to break up with any vendors?

*iPhone photography of the hair trial mess by the lovely bridesmaid Vero, who I think may have been laughing at me a little bit. You should see the pics from 2 hours later when the hair was completely falling out. Not pretty.

Laying some ground rules

2010-04-05T09:49:00.002-05:00

(Sorry for my lack of posting lately. Things have been a bit crazy lately with work/wedding planning/life. What I need to remember is that blogging actually helps relieve the stress, rather than adds to it.)

On Thursday evening, I was happily waiting for the street car on St. Charles with the boy and his friends that had just arrived for his bachelor party. (Don't worry, I was about to peace out to my friends house for the weekend so they could have a man-fest, but I spend the first night with them, which proved to be an amazing time.) While we were waiting, I noticed I had a voicemail from my mom. Now, if you've been reading this blog, you know that my relationship with my mom is an interesting one, and she really doesn't call me that often. I was hoping that she was calling me to let me know how amazing our wedding invites were (that she should have receieved over a week ago), so I happily called her back. Instead I received some serious drama on the other end when she picked up. She tried to pull me in, once again, to the drama surrounding my brother and his never-ending divorce with my former MOH and very dear friend. She basically accused me of some ridiculousness, and instead of fighting with her, I decided to try a new route.

I played the bride card. That's right folks. I told her that I did not want to hear about my brother and his drama, her drama (she is apparently about to get her 4th divorce, but she has been saying this every few months for the last 4 years), or anything else negative UNTIL AFTER THE WEDDING. If she wants to call me and talk flowers, programs, dresses, unicorns, and fairies, that's fine. But if she wants to talk about family drama, she can turn elsewhere. I said this all very calmly and sweetly (with an underlying tone of "if you don't like it, you can shove it") and then I ended the conversation.

It was so liberating. As I've grown older and wiser I've realized that sometimes it's OK to be selfish. And this is one of those times.

Has anyone else played the bride card to put an end to some nonsense? Did you feel as liberated as I did/do?

The best wedding fight I'm letting him win

2010-03-25T18:23:00.003-05:00

So the boy doesn't really care about too many wedding details. However, the details he does care about he has very strong opinions about.

For instance:

no halter top wedding gown - please don't even ask. For some reason, I think he once saw a somewhat questionable looking bride in a halter style gown and thinks any halter style looks a bit slutty. I for one, have no boobs, so I am incapable of looking slutty in anything, but I didn't even need to argue this point because I'm not a huge halter fan anyway.
no fancy wedding cake - no problem, I don't want one either
no weird DJ - again, we are on the same page here
no garter toss, bouquet toss, etc. - ditto

But the most important thing to him is music. Since we are iPod DJ-ing it up, we have total control here. He is more concerned about the slower music, as the hip hop/dance music is more my department. He has been steadily working away at our cocktail hour/dinner music playlist, and it is a thing of beauty. I will get around to posting it soon, I promise.

Here comes the disagreement: our first dance. We both have songs we love. I presented mine, which he really liked.

It's great, right? But then he hit me with his:

He has put this song on countless mixes for me, it is a cover of a Will Oldham song, and it is so perfect. Seriously, when we listened to it and thought about it being our first song, we both got a little teary.

So I'm letting him win this one. 'Cause his is way better. (Just don't tell him that.)

Struggling...

2010-03-19T08:57:00.002-05:00

I read this post on a practical wedding this morning and I could not stop thinking about it. Because that is where we are at right now. We are a little over two months out, and things are stressful.

I've found myself picking fights with Patrick over stupid stuff about wedding planning. (He does not read this, if he did, he would be rejoicing right now at that admission.) Seriously. The problem is, he doesn't care about the details. And as I mentioned before, I don't really have anyone helping me out with anything.

So what to do? Most of the time, I really enjoy planning, I'm an organizer by nature and I love coming up with a vision. But now we are getting down to the nitty gritty details, and that is not my strength. We are having our wedding in the city we used to live, I don't have a lot of people there I can delegate things to. One of my bridesmaids lives there, but I am afraid to give her too much.

I don't want this to become a time that I look back at and all I remember is stress. I want this to be about us, about our love, about getting ready for our marraige. But instead I feel like I have so much anxiety about what has to get done and how it will get there. I just don't want to get lost in it.

Has anyone else been here? What did you do to pull yourself out of it?

One year ago today

2010-03-17T18:58:00.000-05:00

We were backpacking through Europe on our last spring break as graduate students. It was my first time even using a passport and I was beyond excited. It was the fourth day of our trip and our first full day in Paris. Now if you know me, you know that I've been dreaming of traveling to Europe since middle school. But what I was most excited for was Paris. The boy, well, he was not so excited about Paris. He was more excited about the other parts of our trip (London, Amsterdam, our Belgian tour with our dear friend, etc.). In fact, he kept raining on my Paris parade pre-trip, and pretty much had me believing that he was dreading our 3 days in Paris. So much so that I sat him down at our first (delicious and perfectly ordered in my rusty French) Parisian dinner and lectured him about putting on a happy face for the next 60 hours.
We woke up early that morning and headed to Montmarte, ready to see the beautiful Sacre Couer. My French historian college roommate recommended that we pay the 2 Euro or so to hike up to the top, as it was the best view of the city. When we arrived at the top, a little winded, I was seriously amazed. Patrick put his arm around me, I leaned my head on his shoulder and took it all in, trying to savor the moment.
"Hey Linds, will you do something for me?"
Patrick, of course, was bugging me about taking a picture or something. I turned to him, a little annoyed, and then saw him with this goofy grin on his face. Then he said, "Will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"
I replied, "WHAT?"
So he repeated himself.
Again, I said "WHAT?" (this time, I'm told I was laughing. Slightly hysterically. I believe this to be an exaggeration.)
Then I noticed he was holding a ring. He wasn't down on one knee, it wasn't in a box, he just had it in his hand. It was so him. So perfect. Of course I said yes. (and proceeded to wear it on my middle finger for the next 10 days, because it was way to big, but I wanted to wear it anyway).

Here is a picture of us that we made some other tourists take a few minutes later:

(if I look a little stunned, it's because I was. I had NO IDEA. The boy is not a planner, this was surprising.)

Does anyone else find this totally crazy?!?

2010-03-15T11:06:00.001-05:00

Last weekend, Gilt Groupe had a wedding weekend sale, which was pretty amazing. They had designer dresses for more than 50% off, bridesmaid dresses, beautiful wedding jewelry, and even honeymoon packages. While I didn't end up purchasing anything (the prices were still pretty steep, even with the discount), I did have fun looking. I didn't expect, however, to stumble upon this:

Blueprint Cleanse

Now, I have nothing against cleanses. Personally, I've never done one. I've considered it, but I just love solid food too much! The boy and I are talking about doing a 10 day vegan cleanse soon, which I think will be great, but that's probably as close as we are going to get. But, I digress.

The crazy thing was how this thing was marketed. One of the packages they were selling was a cleanse for your whole bridal party. Now I've heard of some crazy brides telling their bridesmaids to lose weight, but I thought that was some sort of bridal myth/urban legend. What would my bridesmaids do if I told them they had to do a cleanse? Well I think they would either slap me, laugh uncontrollably, or tell me off. And that's why I love them.

What to wear on my head

2010-03-13T09:49:00.001-06:00

While I have always dreamed of the perfect dress, I have never dreamed about a veil. To be honest, I knew going into this that I wouldn't wear a veil. (also, I have kind of a big head, which makes the whole veil thing interesting.) Anyway, I tried one on for my sister-in-law just to appease her, but my heart wasn't in it. (I even tried on a tiara, which is soo not my style. I laughed out loud and I think I pissed off the bridal attendant.)
If I was going to wear a veil, I would wear a mantilla veil. Something about mantilla veils just gets me. Here are a couple that make me wish I was a brunette who wanted to wear one:

Source

OK, let's focus. (Clearly I am feeling a little ADD today.) After my no veil decision, I started to pay attention to hair flowers, since I'm not really a headband girl. I discovered these from Etsy seller myrakim:

They were really beautiful, but I was still unsure about my ability to pull off a birdcage veil. That, and I was concerned that a big a** flower would make my rather large head look even bigger. (Seriously people, I have a huge head. I don't think I realized this until I was getting fitted for my high school graduation cap, and then I realized why hats never look good on me. Numbers don't lie.) Anyway, I saved these in my Etsy favorites folder until one day I stumbled upon ohmydeer's etsy shop. I requested a custom order, a smaller ivory gardenia, with a vintage inspired center and a little bit of birdcage veil netting (it's as close as I'm gonna get to a veil). Here is what she came up with:

I really love it. I'm not completely sure how I'm going to wear my hair yet, perhaps I will throw that one out to y'all in another post. But chalk this one up to another Etsy purchase.

Honoring loved ones at your wedding

2010-03-11T15:53:00.002-06:00

So, in light of recent events, the boy and I are thinking about how to honor his uncle at our wedding, while still making it a joyous, celebratory occasion. One thing that we are doing FOR SURE is toasting with a shot of drambuie at the reception. It was something we did in his honor after the funeral, since it was his favorite drink. While we were taking our shots we looked at each other and knew we would be doing the same thing for Uncle Ken at our wedding.
The one thing I am struggling with is how to honor him at the ceremony. Do we have our officiant say something? If so, what?
Also, I've heard of the idea of leaving a chair empty w/a flower on it, but I'm worried that would just make it more difficult on his aunt.

I'm open to ideas, throw 'em at me.

Pre-marital Counseling, is it worth it?

2010-03-10T10:27:00.001-06:00

The boy and I have really been considering pre-marital counseling. Now, don't get all freaked out and ask me what's wrong. We are better than we've ever been, and SO ready to get married. But I really believe in the value of pre-marital counseling when it is done right. (If you are unconvinced, read this post.)

The problem is, it has been really hard to find non-religious and affordable pre-marital counseling here in NOLA. We went to two different people that I found through Internet searches for initial searches and they were just not right. The first lady? Creeper. Seriously. We left her place, took one look at each other, and we were both like, "no way". The next one cancelled on us like four different times.

We finally found someone who sounds like she has her sh*t together, and from talking to her over the phone it sounds like we would be compatible. The problem? She costs $65 a session. Apparently this is cheap, but we are on budget here. Especially since we just dipped into our savings to buy two expensive flights to Wisconsin on short notice. I'm starting to think I will put my psychology major to good use and lead our pre-marital counseling sessions myself. I kid, I kid.

So, I'm asking y'all for advice. Have you done it? Is it worth it? How many sessions do you need to go to in order to really make it "worth your while"?

(again, the boy is perfectly willing and happy to go, but is leaving the decision up to me. Are we seeing a pattern here?)

Like ripping off a band-aid

2010-03-08T14:20:00.006-06:00

I've been debating writing this post for a while, and I'll admit, I was a little apprehensive about it. But in order to really understand some of the decisions we are making for our wedding, you kind of need to understand what happened with our planning. (and maybe I can just direct people to this post when they ask me why I don't have a maid of honor, 'cause I'm sick of explaining...)

So, as you may know, I haven't really had the best examples of marriage in my family. What you don't know is that until recently, I did have one example. You see, my brother and his wife were married for almost 8 years when the boy asked me to marry him. His wife, let's call her Betty, was one of my closest friends. We couldn't have been more different. She was conservative, I'm a total liberal. She's country, I'm city. She hates being away from family, I moved away the first chance I got. But we bonded when she was dating my brother 9 years ago, I was the maid of honor in their wedding, and now we really just think of each other as sisters. Since then, she and my brother have really been my one source of stability. Their home was where I stayed during the holidays, they were who I brought the boy home to meet, etc. The boy and my brother got along perfectly. My brother and I have always had a fierce closeness, we talk about everything, and we have a bond that I cherish more than I can explain.

Flash forward to the day we got back from our backpacking trip. Betty and my brother were the first people I called to share the news. I, of course, asked Betty to be my MOH, and my brother to be a groomsman. Four weeks later I found out that my brother had left Betty after months of cheating on her. She was an absolute wreck, had lost an unspeakable amount of weight, and needed me. I finished my last paper, skipped graduation, and drove the 7 hours to their home to try to support her and figure out what the hell was going on with my brother. In the meantime, I picked up a pretty awful case of anxiety, and put our wedding planning on hold.

A lot has happened since then. Betty and my brother are in the middle of a pretty nasty divorce. My brother and I have just begun to talk again, trying to piece together our relationship after over 9 months of radio silence (he refused to talk to me at first, and then I refused to talk to him). Betty and I are trying to figure out how we can still be friends, without it being too difficult for her. We decided it would be too hard for her to come to the wedding, and so now I am MOH-less. As of now, my brother is coming ALONE, and I am trying to figure out how I feel about that.

It's basically a hot mess. And the truth is, a lot of people expected me to cut and run. No wedding, no marriage, no boy. Because I was freaked out. But actually, this whole thing has made me love him more. He has been incredibly supportive, understanding, and we have talked about things we never would have before. It's definitely changed me a bit. (I'm more cautious about other women, for one. Which I never was before.) It's made wedding planning extremely difficult and emotional at times. But I know it's made us stronger.

*By the way, I have 5 AMAZING bridesmaids. I just didn't want to replace Betty, it just didn't feel right, which is why I don't have an MOH.

a traditionally-untraditional processional

2010-03-07T14:02:00.002-06:00

Hi everyone! Thanks for being patient with my lack of blogging. Things have been really difficult for the boy and I the last week or so. This last weekend was spent grieving with his family and celebrating his uncle's life. Honestly, while it was difficult, it was a beautiful experience. His family really has become my family, and being there was so hard, but it was what we both needed.

So, I've been thinking a lot about the wedding processional, or what I want to walk down the aisle to. What you may have noticed about me/us, is that I tend to embrace certain traditions, easily dismiss others, and can't make up my mind on a few (changing my name anyone?). Anyways, we decided a while ago that we are going to have a simple guitar and fiddle duo play our ceremony. It speaks to our southernness, we love it, and they will be joining the rest of their bluegrass band immediately following the ceremony for some serious revelry.
I mentioned to the fiddle player (who I feel so connected to already, as she is in grad school for education, just like we were last year), that it would be so cool if they could do a blue-grassy, simple version of Canon in D. She sent me this link, explaining that the first minute is more what they would sound like, since they wouldn't be rocking out quite as much as these guys (unless I feel like running down the aisle). So imagine it slowed down a bit, and enjoy.
I love it. Check it out:

Umm, amazing. They rock.

Losing part of my new family

2010-03-01T15:40:00.003-06:00

I haven't written much in the past week. This week has been pretty difficult for the boy and I, and it's just going to get even more difficult in a couple of days. My future uncle passed away, and we will be going back to Wisconsin this Thursday to be with the boy's family and attend the funeral. In the midst of dealing with our grief, we've both had to work, and I've had to do some wedding related stuff as well (finalize our invites, talk with ceremony musicians, etc.). It felt weird to be doing those things, and I had a moment where I remembered that I sent my future mother in law an email about a junior bridesmaid dress, pretty much 12 hours before he passed away. And I felt sick about it. Then I remembered reading a post by one of my favorite bloggers ever, and I went back and re-read it. One quote in particular stood out to me, where she says,
"Weddings are hope for the future, hope for a new generation, hope that love and family can win out over everything else. Weddings are not more important then life, and they don't stand apart from life, but they represent something bigger then us, and undoubtedly bigger then the dress we wear or the flowers we carry."

This week I will be joining my soon to be family in an incredibly difficult time. I know it will bring us closer, and this is what being a family is all about.

*Photo from Our Labor of Love, I know I've used it before, but this is what we need from friends and family right now, and this image just speaks to me.

**We were reminiscing about his uncle the other day, and remembered a great story about him. Last summer, right after we got engaged, we were all up at his family's cottage in Wisconsin. His aunt had asked me about what I was planning to do about the whole "giving away" process because of my situation with my father. I explained to her that I was going to walk myself down the aisle. Later that day, his uncle came up to him and told him that if I wanted someone to walk me down the aisle he would be honored to. (at the time he was already sick, and we have always been close). It's one of the few times I've ever seen the boy cry, and it was a really special moment I will always remember.

I love a bride that can rock a serious necklace

2010-02-23T15:03:00.004-06:00

But I'm not sure if I can. Remember my dress? I'm undecided. In the meantime, I will share my inspiration, some brides with fabulous style, rockin, some serious necklaces:

This bride made this necklace. For serious. Her tutorial on how to make one like it can be found here. I don't think I'd have the patience or the skill to make it. If you do, more power to you.

Vintage chic, I think she pulls it off nicely. Read more about her wedding here.

I ADORE this bride's style, and their whole wedding is worth taking a peek at here.

Still not sure if I want to wear one with my dress, but I know I love the look of a major necklace on a bride who can pull it off. (I've already bought a bracelet that I'm pretty much obsessed with. More about that later.) Maybe one of my fabulous readers will get inspiration from this and send me a picture of themselves rockin' a necklace on their day?!? That would be sweet.

*Small shout out: I started this blog with zero readers and told no one about it. I know I only have 13 followers right now, but to me that's a big deal! Thanks for reading and helping me with this whole wedding planning thing. I love your comments and really appreciate it.

On finding help when you need it

2010-02-22T12:36:00.003-06:00

You know how the wedding world is filled with brides complaining about over-involved mothers, awful future mother-in-laws, pushy sisters, and other overbearing wedding helpers? Yeah, well, I don't have that problem.
I have the opposite problem. I don't have any help. And it's really frustrating. Now, this isn't a pity party. Let me explain. Most of the time, I really enjoy planning this shindig on my own. This wedding is going to be, well, a wedding of our own. It's really going to reflect my style, what we value as a couple, and what we want on our wedding day. Which is what a lot of brides with mom-zilla's could only dream of.
The problem is, every once in a while, I really wish I had some help. My mom and I have an interesting relationship. I love her fiercely, and she loves me, but she is rather emotionally immature, and is not at a point in her life where she can really focus on other people. (Case in point, when I call her for advice, she vents about how she is thinking of getting a divorce from her now 4th husband, complains about my brother, complains about her job, wanting to lose weight, etc.) She will be there (hopefully), she is making our table numbers (cross your fingers), and I love her. But I can't rely on her, 27 years of being her daughter has taught me that.
My mother in law? Well, she is a wonderful woman. But she is just not really interested in this stuff. She has a thirteen year old daughter (the boy's half sister), and she is pretty busy with her own stuff. When I ask her questions via email, she sends me one word responses.
So when I was having a minor freak out about what time to start the ceremony, and I had to decide this week? I had no idea who to turn to.
Anyone else in a similar situation? Where did you go for help?

*The boy is very zen about wedding planning. And by zen, I mean he says "everything will work out". He says this with only planning what he is in charge of (man attire, playlist, man gifts). Oy.

Bridal Brigade, you now have even more leeway

2010-02-19T15:04:00.004-06:00

So, remember when I told my ladies they could choose any dress they wanted as long as it was in these two colors?
Well, they were all pretty happy with that, and since I am pretty relaxed, none of them have bought their dress yet. I think two of them are planning on going with J. Crew, and the other 3 are going to look elsewhere in that palette.
Well, I found this incredible inspiration board the other day, and decided that they now have even more options. Check this out:

From my favorite new Bee

It is pretty much exactly what I want. I love it. And now they have more options. Which is good, because I just found out that one of my bridesmaids is totally knocked up! Yep, she will be about 5 months along at our wedding. So she needs options.

So I completely changed my mind again, but in a good way. Now they can really find something they want, as long as it is in this palette. I just want them to look awesome. Which they will, because they are ridiculously beautiful and stylish.

If I decide to change my name, I am still calling myself a feminist

2010-02-18T12:10:00.007-06:00

I am waging a war in my head about whether or not to change my name. Rewind to a few months ago, when I was sure I was going to take my partner's last name as my own. I was talking on the phone to one of my best friends and she said something like "since you are not changing your name...blah, blah, blah". It definitely made me pause.
Why would she assume I was NOT changing my name? Well, probably because I am what my conservative family describes as a "bleeding heart liberal". (I take zero offense to that.) So then I started thinking, and that's what got me in trouble. So here you go, the reason for keeping my current last name, and the reasons for taking my partners last name.

Reasons for keeping my last name:
-My last name is unique, I've never met anyone else with my last name, and a lot of my friends call me by my last name
-I HATE THAT THE WOMAN IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO GIVE UP HER NAME, ahem, sorry I feel better now
-I have a bachelors degree, a masters degree, and other accomplishments I am pretty proud of, all under this name
-I really despise the statement that it can make, that I have to give up a part of who I am because I am becoming a wife, so now I need a new name? I just don't buy that.

Reasons for taking my partner's last name:
-He is my family. Seriously. I have one hell of an eff'd up family and he has been my family for years.
-This goes against what I said above (I told you I was conflicted), but I kind of LIKE the statement that it makes. The statement that I am starting a new family with my husband and taking a new name to symbolize that.
-I have no ties to my father, or anyone else with my last name (my mother has a different last name), in fact, I really don't like my father at all, so it would be liberating to give up his name.
-IF we ever have children (we are undecided) I want us to all share a name
-I want to share the same last name with my partner, there is just something so special about that
-trivial, but my current last name is HARD to spell, and my partner's last name is cool and simple

To me, these are all very valid reasons (except maybe that last one). I don't judge anyone who decides either way because I firmly believe you have to decide what is right for you. Now only if I could figure out what is right for me...

I'm taking a break from my regularly wedding focused posts for this

2010-02-12T15:26:00.003-06:00

I saw this today:

Source

...and laughed out loud. I felt I would be doing you a great disservice if I didn't share it and hopefully make you laugh out loud too. You're welcome.

I'm off to enjoy Mardi Gras (I love living in New Orleans), have a fab weekend!

Finding our own path

2010-02-10T09:22:00.004-06:00

So the boy and I have been together for over 5 years now, and on our wedding day we will be one week away from the 6 year mark. We've never broken up during those years, but we definitely have had our rough patches.
We met when we were taking on one of the hardest things we've both ever done, and we were both immersed in our jobs. During our first two years together, we lived 2 1/2 hours apart, and saw each other about two weekends a month. Our relationship really grew strong over those years, and when I was offered a job in St. Louis, the boy and I decided to move there together. We lived together for one year in St. Louis, and it. was. hard. He didn't have a steady job, and was really unhappy. I hated my new job, and was struggling with what I wanted in our relationship. It was not pretty, people. So what did I do? I applied to grad school and told him I was going in the fall. He decided to apply to grad school as well, got in, and then we were ready to move. But we did something that I think a lot of people didn't understand. We decided not to live together. For the first time, we lived in the same city, but in our own places. And it was the best thing we could have done for our relationship.
Over the two years in grad school we both grew up a bit, and we were able to have really honest conversations about what we wanted and needed in our relationship. We both needed to figure out what we wanted and needed before we could really strengthen our relationship. We got engaged towards the end of those two years, and then moved across the country together. This time we were ready, and living together has been amazing.
I know our story is a bit unconventional, I'm sure some people raised their eyebrows when we decided to live apart, but for us it was the right decision. Now I don't have any doubts, and am so sure that I want this man to be my partner in life. He's my family.
Anyone else have a not so traditional relationship path?

To look more feminine....

2010-02-09T11:34:00.002-06:00

When I started this whole wedding planning journey, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. But a lot of things have surprised me along the way. One of the biggest surprises is the very blunt expectation that all brides must be trying to achieve the best body possible for their wedding day.

Now don't misinterpret me here. I think it is AWESOME to be in great shape, and your wedding day can be a great "get healthy" goal date. I know I want to feel bad-ass in my dress, and thus have begun doing arm weights for the first time in my life. (I want GUNS! I know I'm not going to get Madonna arms, but I at least want some definition.)

What I think is messed up is the expectation that you must be trying to lose weight. I had two different bridal shop people ask me how much weight I was planning to lose. Say what? I wear a size 4, and while I have some trouble areas (love handles, anyone?), I don't think I need to lose weight. And even if I did? Its so inappropriate for this random person to assume that I want to. I can only imagine what they say to girls who are even a little overweight. It makes me cringe.

The kicker was when I went to my seamstress and she told me I either needed to lose weight or get some Spanx if I wanted to look "more feminine" in my dress. Seriously? So feminine means without curves? Not last time I checked. (I was planning on getting some Spanx anyway, but now I'm just annoyed.)

Anyone else had crazy run-ins like this? Did you tell them off? (I wish I had. I was just so shocked I was rendered speechless. Next time I go to my seamstress I'm bringing back up and having a couple drinks before hand.)

Etsy Wedding Invitations

2010-02-08T11:34:00.002-06:00

I am neither crafty nor patient. So all this DIY invitation stuff I read about sounds really great, but it's not gonna happen. However, I love the idea of buying stuff from talented people with their own businesses, rather than from huge online businesses or expensive stores. Enter Etsy. I love Etsy. I will one day write a post on all of the cool stuff I've gotten from there. (I've already posted about our awesome save the dates, which I am still LOVING.)
So, here are some of the invites I considered, from some really amazing Etsy artisans:

These were really lovely, simple and well designed. I was THIS CLOSE to choosing these. The seller was amazing to work with, and asked a bunch of questions to get the "feel" of our wedding before sending us a customized sample.

Love Made Visible

Handmade, linen invitations with eco friendly envelopes. Again, the seller was great to work with. They were a little too plain for me, but really lovely.

Artful Beginnings

If our wedding invite budget was double what it is, I would have bought these. They were WAY out of our price range. The coolest part? The seller will include customized vintage-style RSVP postcards for each guest with THEIR hometown on it. So cool. Someone please get these and tell me all about them.

Oh So Suite

And the finalist. I was so indecisive about wedding invites, but I kept coming back to these. Simple, a little different, great quality, and super affordable. I entered one of her giveaways she was hosting, and she gave me 15% off the entire suite. Awesome.

CheerupCherup

On our invites, the flower petals will be sage green, the envelopes will be a pewter grey, and the writing will be in black and blush pink to go with our rather loose color palette. I'm as psyched as I can be about wedding invitations. To be honest, this is something I don't really care that much about. I just knew I wanted to like them, and they needed to be less than 4 bucks a pop. Done and done. I feel so accomplished.

Ummm, yeah...

2010-02-05T11:51:00.001-06:00

So I stopped blogging for a while. Why? Well, a couple of reasons:
-I started this blog because I was applying to blog on a site with a bunch of brides, and when my application was turned down, I was a little bummed.
-Reading over some of my entries (not all) I realized I didn't sound like me. Perhaps it was because I was trying to fit the personality of the website I was applying to? I'm not sure. But I'm really much more direct, honest, and a touch sarcastic than I was coming off in some of my sugary sweet posts. The posts I like the most? The ones where I am being real and honest, and the ones that reflect my personal style.

So here's to more of that. And thanks to The Bowie Bride, for leaving me a comment that made me realize what I liked about blogging in the first place. So this should be better now. I'm blogging about what speaks to me, not what I think might fit in with another website. Here goes nothin'...

Elegantly Navigating Family Issues: The Budget

2009-11-30T09:23:00.003-06:00

Aye.
This one is difficult. The budget, and who is contributing what.
Remember the old tradition that the bride's family pays for almost everything? Well, if we did that, we would be eloping. My family has nothing to give, unless you count emotional drama. Seriously.

Anyhoo, the boy and I are going to contribute what we can, which amounts to about 3,000 dollars. MAX. I will not go into debt for our wedding. Let's repeat that, just to make sure. I will not go into debt for our wedding.
When we decided to have our wedding in Wisconsin to accomodate his family, we talked with them about what they were willing to contribute financially. They were vague, but they assured us that they would help us out significantly.
Now, every piece of advice I've read or have been given about this says to just ask for a specific amount. It gets tricky when people say things like "I will pay for the food at the reception, the invitations, etc". I've tried and tried to side step around this, but future MIL really wants to just say WHAT they are paying for, not how much they are paying. So, they have generously offered to pay for our reception. Which I am VERY thankful for.
So what's the problem? Well, our reception is where we are saving the most money because of my connections to the restaurant. All of the other stuff is not hugely affected by our small number of attendees or this incredible deal (ceremony site fee, rentals (dance floor, cocktail tables), our attire, flights to Wisconsin, hotel room for several days, bluegrass band, rehearsal dinner, etc.). When you add it all up, if they only pay for the reception, the boy and I are actually going to pay a lot more than we have the money for.
So now I don't know what to do. The boy's stepfather told us to just let him know when we needed money for things, but his mother seems pretty set on just paying for the reception. Truth be told, we won't be having a rehearsal dinner, and we may be crashing on our friend's floors in Madison if we don't get a little more help from them.

So, what's a girl to do? Any advice would be much appreciated!

Oh, No She Didn't...an open letter to Kate Spade

2009-11-29T13:27:00.004-06:00

Dear Kate,

Why must you do this to me? Just when I was contemplating trying to spend under $100 on my shoes, you have to come out with these:

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It is like you are in my head. I want sparkly, pretty, funky, fun, and unique shoes. You created them. Unfortunately, we do not agree on the price point. Now I'm mad at you. I hope you can sleep at night.

P.S. Sorry for the brief blogging hiatus. I was traveling for work and then the boy's family was in town for the holiday. And, well, you know how that goes. No more excuses.

Rehearsal dinner indecision

2009-11-17T16:49:00.002-06:00

I am really torn on what to do for our rehearsal dinner. At first, I really wanted to have a big barbeque at one of the many park shelters on the lake in Madison. This way, we could invite everyone on our guest list. Over 80% of our guests will be traveling, and this would be a great way to see them all when they get in. Here is some of my inspiration:

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Lovely, right? I love the checkered table cloths, soul food spread, and casual vibe. But then, the boy spoke up. I blame the movie Rachel Getting Married.

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For those of you who have not seen the movie, one of the best scenes is the rehearsal dinner of Rachel and her future husband. It is an intimate, close family and friends only affair, and the speeches that everyone gives are so ridiculously moving. We both absolutely loved that scene, and would love to have an intimate dinner with our close family and friends where everyone could give spontaneous speeches.

So now I'm torn. Big, casual, fun barbeque rehearsal dinner? Or small, intimate, moving rehearsal dinner? (I realize, of course, that I am counting on our family and friends to give amazing, touching speeches here.)

Bridesmaids after my own heart

2009-11-16T09:50:00.003-06:00

Remember my latest bridesmaid decision? I don't say final decision because I did not yet send out communication with the ladies on it. Trust me, this is for the best. If I sent them communication every time I made a decision regarding their dresses, they all would have quit by now. So far, only the blogging world and my dog know how indecisive I can be.

I imagine this is the "make up your mind" face. Or the "would you feed me sometime, please" face. Hmmm.

Anyway, I have found my bridesmaid inspiration match. Her name is Celia and her wedding was GORGEOUS. Here she is, with her lovely bridal party:

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I adore the soft blue and grey combination! I may have to subtly urge a couple of my ladies to seek out sky blue dresses. Also, I love how they all have accessories and style that is completely their own! I was thinking of asking my ladies to wear their most fabulous shoes and accessorize how they normally would to really show off their style. I am totally going to email these pictures to my ladies so that they understand what I am going for. Thank you Celia!

Umm, can we talk about the bride's style? I could never pull off that headband, but she is WORKING IT!

Love.

Did you find a bride who shared your bridesmaid vision?

On anxiety, depression, and the stress of planning a wedding

2009-11-14T20:51:00.004-06:00

Recently one of my favorite wedding bloggers wrote an extremely honest post about putting her wedding plans on hold while she addresses her struggle with depression. Her candidness about an issue many of us struggle with really struck a chord with me.
Right after we got engaged, something really traumatic happened in my life that completely affected me. (I may blog about it at some point, because it does have a large impact on our wedding.) I tried to ignore the way I was feeling and just push forward with everything I needed to get done. Fast forward three weeks and I was in the New Orleans airport sobbing and having trouble breathing through my first full-blown panic attack.
I decided to see someone about my anxiety and put our wedding planning on hold for a bit. The boy was so wonderful through it all, and never pressured me to start talking about our wedding. I spent the summer taking care of myself, enjoying my last few weeks with my friends in Madison, and preparing for our move. When I started wedding planning again after we were settled in New Orleans, it was because I felt excited and ready.
I guess I'm writing this to say if you are struggling with anxiety or depression, just be open and honest with your partner about it. If wedding planning is adding to or causing your struggle, don't be afraid to put it on hold for a bit. Who cares what people will say? I can bet that if they care about you, they will support you and not give a damn about whether or not you have picked your color palette yet.

Dressing the Ladies...

2009-11-13T21:28:00.005-06:00

Figuring out what I want my girls to wear has been one of the most difficult decisions. I've gone through so many options in my head, it is sort of driving me crazy.
At first I wanted the girls to wear navy dresses, in different styles, and carry pink peonies. Then I threw out that idea when we changed our color palette a bit. I really want them to be in different colors that complement the look and feel we are going for.
For me, it just feels weird to me to tell them what to wear. I would love for them to be able to choose something that suits them. My ladies have such amazing, unique styles and I want them to shine!

So here's what I'm thinking. I would love them to be in shades of muted blue (no turquoise or royal) and grey. I am thinking of sending them links and swatches to these two J Crew colors:

Caspian Blue

Graphite

This way, they can choose whatever dress they want in a muted blue or grey. I'm thinking some soft pink peony bouquets will look lovely with this palette. If they are struggling to find something and want more direction, they can simply purchase a dress from J. Crew in one of these colors.

I haven't fully decided on this yet, so please let me know what you think. I could even be persuaded to add a third color to the mix. But please, don't give me too many options. You will only make my indecisiveness worse!

Did you waver on bridesmaid dress colors/styles?

First generation...lasting marriage?

2009-11-09T20:50:00.001-06:00

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Soo, it's no secret that the boy and I both come from divorced families. We both know the incredible work that goes into a good marriage, and we are ready to make that commitment. However, I just realized the other night that I am the only one in my family who is not divorced. My parents have both divorced multiple times, and my brother is actually in the middle of a divorce right now.
This definitely makes wedding planning a bit difficult at times, and can be a bit discouraging. I know that I have learned from my family members' mistakes, and I will not repeat them. It's just difficult to realize that I don't have an example of a good marriage in my family, when I really could use one.

Anyone else out there struggling with this?

My dream dress part III

2009-11-08T08:00:00.006-06:00

As we headed to the last bridal salon for our appointment, my MOH said she had "a feeling" this was going to be the one. You see, out of any new dress I'd seen the dress I was about to try on was the closest thing to my dream dress. When we arrived, the assistant showed us several lovely dresses, but we let her know that we were really there for one dress. She did, however, talk me into trying on one of my absolutely-unattainable dream dresses.

Monique Lhuillier's Scarlet:

While the dress was fabulous (I now understand why so many brides covet the Scarlet), it was not really me. I guess I am not a lacy girl. Now it was time to step into the dress we were there for. At this point, I was so used to being half naked in front of the bridal boutique ladies, that I wasn't even phased. (Seriously, I had no idea I would be almost naked in front of a complete stranger the whole time.) The dress definitely did not disappoint. Here she is, Amy Michelson's Faith:

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(Please ignore the ivy they styled her with...)

I was in love. Especially after the seamstress confirmed that the back could easily be altered to look a bit more like my dream dress. I felt like this was the first dress that felt like me, and was exactly what I wanted to wear for our wedding. The problem? The dress came in at $2700, which was about 4 times my budget

We went back to the hotel and starting googling like mad women. What we found on eBay made us both gasp out loud. My dream dress, unaltered, had sold for a mere $400 less than an hour earlier. I know.

After drowning our sorrows in cheesecake, my MOH convinced me to email the seller. You know, just in case something went wrong with the sale. I figured this was a long shot, but at this point, I had nothing to lose. One week later I received an email from the seller, asking if I was still interested. Was I still interested? Heck yes!!!!

And that, my friends, is how I scored my dream dress (well, close enough) for a ridiculous deal.

My dream dress-Part II

2009-11-05T12:59:00.004-06:00

My MOH and I planned a perfect dress hunting trip to Chicago, right before I moved to New Orleans. She was able to take the train from Detroit, and I took the bus from Madison. We scored a fabulous deal staying at the Westin Hotel right on Michigan Avenue.

I did my research on wedding dresses, and had quite a few places for us to try. Unfortunately, the first day we didn't even find anything worth taking pictures of! The vintage stores were a total bust, and I was disheartened.

Day 2 of shopping was what we were both looking forward to because we were going to Vera Wang!!!! We both have dreamed of Vera Wang for years, and even though I knew I couldn't afford it, I just had to have the experience!

Me in front of Vera Wang. Very excited.

The boutique was 1/2 Vera Wang, 1/2 other designers and it was beautiful. While I had a ton of fun trying on the dresses (no pictures allowed, sorry), I didn't fall in love with any of Vera's. I did however, seriously consider two gowns that were completely out of my price range:

I could write a whole post about how much I love Reem Acra!

I was so close to getting this Elizabeth Fillmore dress.

We left the boutique, high on couture and headed to our last stop of the trip. I had an appointment to try on a dress that I had torn out of a magazine because of its' resemblance to my dream dress.

My dream dress-Part I

2009-11-01T12:59:00.004-06:00

One day when I was happily google-ing away trying to find vintage 1930s wedding dress inspiration, I stumbled upon this:

Source

I. Was. Hooked. Never in my life have I been so completely obsessed with a dress. Of course, it was vintage, and therefore unattainable. I did, however, proceed to email it to countless vintage shops to see if they had anything similar, with no luck. I continued to search every vintage shop I could, with plans to go to several vintage shops on my upcoming dress hunting trip to Chicago with my MOH.

Too be continued....

Was your dream dress difficult to find?

My kind of dress

2009-10-29T14:47:00.005-05:00

I've never been a poofy dress girl. Even in high school, when my friends were wearing the popular princess-dresses to prom, I went for a slinky strapless number (much to my mother's chagrin). So when the time came to start thinking about wedding dresses, I knew that I was not going to be going for the big princess dress look.

Immediately, I was drawn to the idea of a old-hollywood style dress. I love how these dresses are slinky, yet still classic and beautiful.

Here are some of my favorite silhouettes:

A friend clipped this picture out of a magazine b/c she knew I would love it! This is Jean Harlow on the set of "Reckless" in 1935.

Another gorgeous Jean Harlow dress *sigh*

Rita Hayworth = stunning

After a little bit of google research, I realized I was looking for a vintage 1930's style bias-cut dress. Thus began my search of vintage or vintage-inspired dresses. Little did I know how difficult this would be...

Sleeves!

2009-10-28T14:40:00.001-05:00

How did sleeves on wedding dresses become so unpopular? While my dream dress only has sort-of sleeves, there are so many beautiful options out there that I often lust over. Ivanka Trump recently wore a Vera Wang dress with sleeves, shown here:

Image released by Fred Marcus Photography

NY mag even wrote an article entitled "Will Ivanka Trump's Wedding Dress Inspire Sleeve Lust?" in response to her "radical" sleeve choice.

Her gorgeous dress inspired me to do a little searching for beautiful sleeve options. Here are some of my favorites:

Monique Lhuillier always knocks it out of the park

Only a sort-of sleeve, but I had to include this Elizabeth Fillmore number

InStyle weddings featured these lovelies

I love them all! While my dress is not strapless, it falls into that sort-of sleeve category that the Elizabeth Fillmore dress does. (More to come on that later.)

What beautiful wedding dresses with sleeves have you seen? Are you considering a dress with sleeves?

My picture problem

2009-10-26T13:37:00.002-05:00

We've secured our amazing photographer for a ridiculous deal, and beautiful pictures are one of the most important wedding elements for us. We know what kind of pictures we want, and our photographer completely understands and shares our vision. So everything should be perfect, right?

Wrong.
You see, I am the opposite of photogenic. I've never liked the way that I look in pictures, and it's made me a bit camera shy.
My problem started in middle school, when I should have gotten braces. Due to family issues, I was not able to, and actually never went to the dentist during my late childhood and teens. Because of this, I was really embarrassed about my teeth. So embarrassed in fact, I did not talk to anyone about this until I was 24 YEARS OLD. I did have my teeth fixed, but after so many years of hiding my smile, it's been difficult to get used to smiling in pictures.

I also show a lot of gum when I smile sometimes (does anyone else have this problem?), which I really hate. I know this sounds so superficial, and I am actually wincing while writing this, but it is an issue that I am worried about. On our wedding day, I want to be comfortable, and not worried about how the pictures look. On the other hand, I don't want a bunch of pictures with my weird looking smile!

I'm thinking of just being really open and honest with our photographer about this prior to our wedding day. Any other suggestions? Please be gentle, this is a sensitive issue for me!

Cermony site catastrophe!

2009-10-23T10:31:00.004-05:00

So remember those beautiful Save the Dates I just posted? Yeah, well, we can't officially order them until NOVEMBER 10th. Now, I know that puts us within the 6 month mark, which is fine, but it is a bit annoying that we will not have an official date until then. I've just been operating like we have secured our date, but in reality we have not.
Why? Our ceremony space. Here is the beautiful space that is giving us SO MUCH trouble:

Here is the inside, which is equally beautiful and unique:

This beautiful building was built in 1863 and is the fourth oldest surviving synagogue in the country. It now does not have any religious affilitation, and is owned by he City of Madison Parks Division. It is really open and airy in the inside, and it seats around 90 people. Did I mention it is right on the lake?

The problem is that the City of Madison Parks usually takes reservations for the following year on Oct. 1st. for all of their popular park sites. This was a bit risky for us, but we decided it was worth it. Our reception spot will work with us if we need to change the date, so I wasn't too worried. And really if you get there super early on October 1st (and I was bribing one of my best friends with fistfuls of cash to do this for me, just kidding) you pretty much get your date.

But today is October 23rd, and we still do not have our space reserved. The City of Madison Parks decided to change their policy, oh, about two days before October 1st. This year they are going to do a lottery system on November 10th. Doesn't matter what time you get there, they will be drawing numbers.

So now we have a back up park location, because it is a little too late to change our date now. Worst case scenario, two people before us pick both our first choice on our date and our back-up location on our date. Then we will have to move our wedding to the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend. Which we will work with.

I know that much worse things can happen, but this has been incredibly frustrating! Anyone else having crazy things happen with their vendors?

Save the Date choices - Help!

2009-10-21T17:38:00.002-05:00

One day, while trolling Etsy and searching for Save the Dates, I stumbled upon these:

Vintage-style Save the Date postcards! About 90% of our guests will be traveling into Madison, so it is almost like a destination wedding. The postcards will be a great way to invite them to come to Madison, and show them what our (old) beautiful city looks like! The seller, Beyonddesign, will create custom Save the Date postcards from old vintage postcard images she finds, and then designs to meet your needs. These were exactly what we've been looking for. She was amazing to work with, and was great with making changes based on our feedback. She gave us SO MANY options, but we have narrowed it down to two choices.

Option A

Option B

I love them for such different reasons! Option A has such a fun, vintage vibe and it really showcases a lot of the different parts of Madison that we love. Option B shows one of my favorite views of Madison, which you see right when you are driving in, and it shows off one of the lakes.

I just can't decide! Please help!

ebay find

2009-10-20T08:39:00.004-05:00

So we've talked about my obsession with shoes and my eBay problem, right? It's not exactly a problem, per se, since I manage to score fabulous discounts. It's just that I may score these fabulous discounts a bit too often. But now let me share what happens when you combine the power of Ebay with the wonders of Etsy.
I was searching for my wedding shoes one day when I stumbled upon these:

What? Those are Kate Spades? Floor samples? And they are how much? 10 dollars?

Yep, that's right. 10 dollars. Now clearly, one of the shoes is missing the bow, but this did not worry me. I knew I would figure something out. Then I discovered vintage shoe clips on Etsy and found these beauties:

Ooh, hello! How would you like to be attached to some Kate Spade's?

And that is how I scored/created these beautiful designer shoes with a personal touch

for less than $25!

I think that they will definitely be worn for the rehearsal dinner, and I will just find a dress that works with them!

Have you scored any amazing deals during your wedding planning?

Save the Dates (no acronym please)

2009-10-19T13:35:00.003-05:00

A few years ago, I had no idea what Save the Dates were (and no, I will not use that acronym, it just seems WRONG). Then, all of a sudden, everywhere we went we saw them on the fridge! Most of the Save the Dates we saw were of the engagement picture magnet/postcard variety, which are lovely, but really not for us. I really like Save the Dates that are fairly simple and to the point, and the boy prefers the cheese factor to be close to zero.
Here are some that I really love, seriously considered, and are $2/each or less:

This was the first one I fell in love with.

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I love everything this Etsy seller does.

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Also an Etsy seller, also amazing.

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We decided to go the Etsy route, but we did something a bit different. It is in the works as we speak and I can't wait to share it!

What unique, affordable Save the Dates did you find in your search?

The best wedding checklist ever

2009-10-16T11:15:00.003-05:00

Have you checked out the Offbeat Bride's wedding checklist? It is truly amazing. There are checklists on other websites that make me slightly about-to-have-a-wedding-breakdown crazy, but this one keeps me organized and makes me happy. For instance, there is a "as soon as you know what you're doing" category that is extremely helpful.

Here are some of my favorite, slightly offbeat items on the list:
-tell your partner you love them at least once a day as things get increasingly crazy
-if you're doing an iPod recpetion, work on your playlist. If not, work on a list of "must-play" (and "must-not play") songs for your DJ or band. Back up your music and the rest of your hard drive while you're at it.
-Harass guests who haven't RSVP'd for the wedding and rehearsal dinner
-Make extra sure that everyone who's helping you with the wedding gets a special, pointed thank you.
-Procure sedatives for night before wedding. Give them a trial run.
-Prepare a wedding day frekout kit (aspirin, makeup, safety pins, mints, Cliff bar, etc).
-Set aside special time during the day to step aside and breath for a few seconds. (on the wedding day)
-Take a moment to thankyou family and tell them you love them

The list is full of other, really helpful and insightful tasks as well. Check it out!

Do you have any other checklists/organizers that you recommend?

Keeping it real

2009-10-15T09:41:00.001-05:00

One thing I want to make sure of is that we do not lose ourselves in this whole wedding planning thing. It's easy to get caught up in it all, and find yourself making decisions that you wouldn't. For instance, we both knew that we did not want a fancy cake. We never like them, the cost just seems outrageous to us, etc. But about a month into wedding planning, we found ourselves getting talked into one. I know this is small, but I really want this to be, well, a wedding of our own.
So we are not doing a fancy cake. We are having my amazing sous-chef friend make cupcakes, because he makes delicious cupcakes. And because they are amazing, they are throwing it in with our per-person cost (which is highway robbery, and we seriously could not be more grateful).
There are quite a few things that we are putting our feet down on, which I will write about in a later post. How are you dealing with keeping your wedding about you and your partner? Please share any advice you have on how to do this!

The perfect ringbearer

2009-10-14T11:10:00.005-05:00

I love the idea of having our dog as our ringbearer. We rescued and raised him together. (But please don't feel bad for him, he was a puppy who was bottle-fed because his mother was rescued and was too weak to feed him!) He has about a thousand nicknames (Tobes, Puppers, Toblerone, Tobias, Toby McGuire, Little Man, etc.) and we both love him a little more than we'd like to admit.

I mean come on, look at that face:

He is the cute brown one smiling at the camera, not the black blur of our friend's dog he was playing with.

Unfortunately, we are going to be flying back to Wisconsin for our wedding and we really don't want to fly him with us. For one, it is pretty expensive and would be a hassle we don't need. The second reason is we think he may have a little puppy breakdown in the back of the plane since he is way too big to be a fashionable carry-on. He just gets so nervous, I really don't think he could handle it.
So, I think we may just carry eachother's rings, instead of having a ringbearer. I like this idea and the significance of it, but I am slightly freaked out that the boy would forget mine, or I wouldn't know how to carry his (it's not like I could wear it on my finger).
Ideas and advice are welcome!

Elegantly Navigating Family Issues: Semantics

2009-10-12T09:55:00.005-05:00

When a bride and a groom from divorced families decide to tie the knot, there are A LOT of issues that come up during wedding planning that I absolutely did not expect. I think that this is something that a lot of brides and grooms deal with, and need advice on.

The first small issue that came up was invitation wording. The boy's mother has been married to his stepdad (who the boy is incredibly close with) for years. The boy's dad is not remarried, but has been with the same woman for many years, and she happens to be our florist-friendor! My mother has been remarried for a couple of years to a man I am not very close with, and then we have my father, who is remarried, and who probably won't come. Add all that to the fact that the groom's family will be paying for a large portion of the costs, we will be paying a portion, and the bride's mother will be paying a portion. Is your head spinning yet? Mine hurts. Here is what I imagine our invitation will look like (in my worst nightmare):

Mrs. and Mr. Bride's mother

and

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's father (who probably won't show up)

invite you to join them in the celebration of love as their daughter,

Bride-whose-head-is-hurting

is united in marriage to

Groom-who-thinks-the-solution-is-to-send-an-evite

son of Mrs. Groom's mom and Stepdad

and Groom's dad and partner (who won't like being at the end of the invite)

Woa. OK, I know that would never happen but OMG.

Then I began to search the blogs and saw the perfect wedding invitation wording:

Together with their families

The Bride

and

The Groom

would like you to come party with us! (or something like that)

Ahhhh. Simplicity. Perfect.

So what is the lesson we've learned today? Keep it simple.

Have you had to elegantly navigate any family issues? How have you handled it?

My own personal Al Roker

2009-10-09T08:24:00.002-05:00

The weather in Wisconsin is fickle. Heck, the weather in the Midwest is fickle. Growing up in Michigan, I remember wearing shorts one day, and the next day waking up to snow. It's crazy. You just can't predict it. Or can you....

I've found the best tool ever on Weather.com. All you have to do is create a log-in, provide your wedding date and location, and they give you this:

Typical Weather for May
Here are average weather conditions for the month of your wedding:

7-9 days

8-9 days

14-15 days

< Previous Month Next Month >

Typical Weather for May --
Here are average weather conditions for the day of your wedding:

Average High Temp:75°F	Record High Temp:92°F (1991)
Average Low Temp: 49°F	Record Low Temp: 29°F (1984)

Past Weather for May -- Here's a look at past weather in your area for the past three years.
Year	Weather	Hi/Lo (°F)	Rain (in.)	Details
2009	AM Clouds/PM Sun	72/52	0.05	Hour-by-Hour
2008	Showers	60/42	0.54	Hour-by-Hour
2007	Mostly Cloudy	87/63	0.00	Hour-by-Hour

Isn't that amazing? Now I just have to hope the weather for our date is sooo 2009 and NOT soooo 2008 (or 2000 and LATE, for you Fergie lovers).

I know I can't predict the weather or control it, but this little tool makes me so happy! Now I promise not to check it again until April. Promise.

Making our photography dreams come true (part 3 - the finale!)

2009-10-08T09:47:00.003-05:00

The morning of the giveaway, I woke up really early (which was impressive, given that I was working nights at a restaurant and prepping for our move to NOLA) and proceeded to check Kara Layne's blog every 2 minutes. (And yes, I realized that Kara is in Mountain Standard Time, and it was an hour EARLIER there. But I just couldn't wait!) Finally, right before I was about to give up and take my poor dog for a walk, I saw this on her blog:

Ummmm, yeah that's us! WE WON! Are you kidding me?!?!?! I have NEVER won anything in my life. And I have entered tons of contests!

All we have to do is pay for her travel and accommodation costs, which really is nothing compared to what she is giving us. We are both incredibly excited and grateful for her generosity. So thanks to Kara, we will be able to have amazing pictures like this:

Kara Layne Photography

...and still stay in our budget. Thank you Kara!

Making our photography dreams come true (part 2)

2009-10-07T08:58:00.004-05:00

So less than a week after I sent in our entry, I received an email from Kara Layne! She loved our story, thought we were a beautiful couple, and wanted us to know we were one of her four finalists! I literally jumped out of my seat and danced around my room, scaring my poor dog into running and hiding under my roommate's desk. I checked her blog later that day and found this:

TOP 4 FINALISTS-CONGRATS!
(and underneath)

_______and_________/GETTING MARRIED MAY 29, 2010 in MADISON WISCONSIN
"____and_____ were destined to be together from the start. Both in similar fields, they met on the bus on the way to their training as Teach For America teachers. ____proposed at the end of March this year and two months later they both graduated from the same masters program. They are currently working in New Orleans as part of the educational reform happening there. Their story and their love are fabulous in every way."

That's about us! I proceeded to email everyone I knew with the link to the blog, and then had to wait for 2 days until she randomly selected the finalists.

Here is the picture we sent in to Kara:

Please choose us! PLEASE!

Next up, find out if we won! (I know, I am really drawin' this out, but this is BIG.)

Making our photography dreams come true (part 1)

2009-10-06T08:12:00.003-05:00

Remember my obsession with ridiculously beautiful wedding photography that is WAY out of our budget? Yeah, I remember it too. I continued my search for affordable photographers in the Wisconsin area, but none of them had the asthetic that I was looking for. And then I had an idea:

Photography contests!!!

In all of my blog searching I read about a couple of amazing photography contests. Unfortunately, by the time I had this idea Feather Love Photography's contest had long since ended, and Chennergy Weddings had already decided on who their "rent weddings" would go to for 2010 (If you don't know about this, check out their site, or read about Mrs. Meatball's (from Weddingbee) experience with them at her wedding. Simply amazing.) But have no fear, I began putting the google machine to work and searched high and low for "photography giveaways" and "photography contests". I found a few contests that were already over, a couple of contests with photographers that were just not my style, and then I found Kara Layne.

Here is the image I stumbled upon announcing her giveaway:

Kara is a photographer out of Phoenix, AZ who is quickly making a name for herself in the industry. I love her personality, style, and approach. She is a photographer who just gets it. Here are a couple of my favorite images on her blog:

I love the absolute joy she captured here.

I'm a sucker for pictures of toasts.

There was a week left before the giveaway deadline. I took a deep breath and wrote an incredibly honest email that listed all of the reasons why photography was important to us, why we loved her work, and the many personal reasons why we couldn't afford to pay for amazing photography on our own. And then I waited.

To be continued...

Bridal Bouquet

2009-10-05T09:52:00.002-05:00

When I first began thinking of what my bouquet would look like, I envisioned something all white and very simple.

A beautifully simple boquet of calla lilies:

But as my vision evolved, I became more and more drawn towards romantic bouquets with soft texture and touches of soft pink and/or green. Here are some of my favorites:

Credits: Meg Baisden Photography

I am really looking forward to meeting with our florist/friendor over the holidays when we are in Wisconsin. I am definitely open to her suggestions, but I am going to be armed with inspiration. Now I just need to begin thinking about the florals for the reception.

Photographers I adore, and cannot even begin to afford

2009-10-01T14:01:00.003-05:00

Before the boy asked me to marry him, I had absolutely no idea how amazing wedding photography could be. Most wedding pictures I've seen have been pretty standard, posed portrait types of photos. I've never been a big fan of posed photographs anyway, and this was an area I really was not too interested in. And then I found the wonderful world of wedding blogs and was introduced to:

Our Labor of Love

Allyson Magda

Feather Love Photography

Photos and photographers like these made me realize how important photography is, especially photography that tells such a beautiful story. (I swear I cried when I looked at the pictures on Our Labor of Love's site.)

The problem is these photographers, and most photographers like them are WAY out of our budget. We are talking ten times our budget, people.

But a girl can dream...

Shoe obsessed

2009-09-29T16:51:00.002-05:00

I will admit that I have a bit of a problem when it comes to shoes. I absolutely adore them. I have yet to own a pair of Manolo Blahniks, Jimmy Choos, or Christian Louibitons , and what better event to splurge on a pair?

I am also ebay obsessed, especially when it comes to pricey designer purchases, so I am fairly confident I will be able to find my dream shoes at a deep discount.

The first shoe I thought I wanted was the famous "stolen shoe" from Sex and the City. (The episode where Carrie is forced to take her shoes off at a friend's party and they are missing when she goes to leave. Yes, I am a huge SATC dork.) I just love the silver fabulousness of them, and I can just imagine them peeking out from under my dress (when I lift it a little to show them off, of course!)

Feast your eyes upon these!

You can usually find these on Ebay for a fraction of their sale price, if you don't mind getting a floor sample. Unfortunately, when I tried them on at Saks, they just were not what I wanted. I love them, but they were almost a little too bridal for me, if that makes sense.

The next shoes I tried on were these fabulous Jimmy Choos:

I really liked the gold color of these. They are very strappy, but somehow comfortable. However, I have not found them on Ebay at all (for an affordable price).
So, the search continues! I am not opposed to color and have really just been searching Ebay for the designers in my size and price range.

Giving myself away

2009-09-25T09:00:00.001-05:00

One of the most difficult decisions I had to make for our wedding was what to do about the whole "giving away the bride" thing. I have never been close with my father since my parents's divorce when I was 9. I see him occasionally, less than once a year since I graduated from college, and he barely knows anything about me as a person. He has met the boy once, and we've been together for 5 years.
Having him give me away would be just for show and tradition. It would feel entirely false to me, and would not reflect what we want our ceremony to be. So I've decided to walk down the aisle alone.
When I told my father, I decided to spin it as more of an "I'm a independent woman" thing, and less of a "you have no right giving me away" thing. Unfortunately (and not surprisingly), he reacted very negatively and has since told us that he will not be attending our wedding and does not wish to have me in his life anymore.

While it was difficult to hear that from him, I know now, more than ever, that I made the right decision. Our wedding day is going to be about us and the people we love and care for most. We are not going to do anything that doesn't feel right to us or reflect us as a couple.

In a gesture that made both me and the boy cry, one of the boy's uncles offered to walk me down the aisle. We are both close to him, and because he has been ill for quite some time, he is one of the reasons we decided on a Wisconsin wedding. I thanked him profusely through my tears, but let him know that I am happy with the idea of giving myself away!

And it's not going to be as lonely as it sounds! I am a very independent lady, and the idea of walking confidently towards my future husband and our life together thrills me. It will be completely special for both of us.

A little New Orleans flavor

2009-09-23T12:00:00.001-05:00

Now that the boy and I live in New Orleans, we were thinking about how we would incorporate some New Orleans flair into our wedding. At first I was thinking favors, but I'm not sure we are going to do favors at all. Then one day when I was walking in the French Quarter, I saw a wedding parade!

Doesn't that look fabulous?

It is a tradition in New Orleans to have a second line parade after the ceremony. Usually this includes a brass band, and everyone dances and waves their umbrellas or napkins/tissues while they march/dance. This works incredibly well if you can parade it from your ceremony to your reception.

And guess what, our reception venue is only a few blocks away from our ceremony site! So we are going to have our own version of a New Orleans wedding parade! Ours will involve our bluegrass band and those beautiful vintage hankies. I am also on the lookout for a bunch of parasols at a bargain price.

This is one of the parts of our wedding I am most excited for. I know that our photographer will get some amazing shots of us all marching towards the reception!

Cocktails by the lake

2009-09-21T08:33:00.001-05:00

One of the reasons I love our ceremony site is that it is located right on a lake.

Perfect spot for pictures, no?

The boy really does not want a large space of time in between the ceremony and reception, and I have to agree. We both dislike the idea of leaving our guests to take pictures, while they are off at our reception celebrating. So we are bringing the cocktail hour to the ceremony! Weather permitting, everyone will go outside and sip on lemonade, champagne, or a signature cocktail (yet to be determined), while we take pictures right outside! Guests can take pictures on the lake as well, or just mingle and listen to bluegrass while we capture the moments!

There is tons of inspiration for the laid-back cocktail hour vibe we are going for. I used my favorite new inspiration board builder to create this:

Now wouldn't that be the perfect way to transition from our ceremony to our reception? And just wait until you hear how we are getting to our reception...

Do you have a cocktail hour vision?

Vintage Hankies

2009-09-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

One day, during my wedding blog searching I found these:

Style Me Pretty

Now, like I mentioned, I am DIY challenged, so I knew that I could never make these. However, it did give me the idea of using vintage hankies in place of cocktail napkins. I love this idea because it is eco-friendly and adds just a bit of a vintage vibe. I'm envisioning stacks of colorful vintage hankies on the cocktail tables! Perfect.

Here are the hankies I've already acquired (all through eBay, of course):

I still need a lot more (60 or so!), but I am an ebay-pro, so I'm not worried!

Are you scouring ebay for any vintage finds for your wedding?

Amazing inspiration board

2009-09-17T08:00:00.001-05:00

Carly, of Inspiring Brides, made this wonderful inspiration board for me. I gave her some color details (sage, white, navy as our dark color, and touches of pink and gold) and some of our wedding details (bluegrass, the parade, no matchy-matchy bridesmaids, etc) and she created this board:

I am loving the bridesmaid dresses and the cocktail hour inspiration in this board.
If you are interested, check out Carly's blog and contact her with your details. She makes custom inspiration boards for brides out of the goodness of her heart. How cool is that?

Will you be my bridesmaid?

2009-09-15T12:03:00.003-05:00

In asking my lovely ladies to be my bridesmaids (or bridal brigade, which I much prefer), I knew that I wanted to do something special. All of my bridesmaids live long distance from me (2 in California, 2 in Michigan, and one in Florida), so I couldn't ask them in person.

And so the search for bridesmaid cards began!

A DIY option:

Once Wed Disclaimer: I could never do this. My friends would laugh out loud and want to know when the wedding had gotten to my brain. I'm not exactly a paper doll sort of a girl.

And then I stumbled upon Etsy and found that there is a whole genre of bridesmaids cards. Seriously, I was overwhelmed. Finally, I found an option that fit my style/price range and ordered them up.

Here they are:

Etsy Seller SongbirdPie

I'm digging the rustic vibe of these cards. She added each girl's name to the top and even made me a MOH and junior bridesmaid card. This seller was wonderful to work with and the cards were less than $2 each, w/envelopes.

Of course, I ended up calling all of them first because I just couldn't wait, but all of my ladies loved their cards. My favorite response was a text that read "Of course I will be your bridesmaid, you crafty little minx". I love my friends.

Playing with colors

2009-09-14T12:56:00.001-05:00

When we first got engaged, I got the idea of navy bridesmaids dresses stuck in my head. I thought about just picking whatever color closest to navy that J.Crew had in their dress line, and letting my bridesmaids pick whatever they wanted.

A bridal party with a similar idea:

However, the more I thought about/looked at color combinations with navy dresses, I kept coming up with navy/yellow/white, or navy/pink/some other color. Those combinations are wonderful, but they are just not me, and just did not feel right.

So I let go of the navy bridesmaid idea and started to look at inspiration photos to see what I loved/felt drawn too. (FYI, the boy let me have free reign here as long as I didn't "go overboard with the pink." That's why I love him. Don't worry, he is very opinionated, just in other areas of wedding planning.)

Here is what I kept being drawn to:

All images via Style Me Pretty

This vision was just so much more us. It's not really about the color palette (although soft green, lilac, light pink, ivory, and gold do seem to keep coming up), but more about the vision. I keep being drawn to a shabby-chic, casual elegance theme. And that is something I can plan around.

I may come up with a defined color palette if I need to, but for now, I am going to let my vision and inspiration photos do the work.

Now if only I could figure out what the bridesmaids should wear....

A Bluegrass Ceremony

2009-09-13T12:15:00.001-05:00

One of the ways we are making our ceremony reflect us as a couple is by having a bluegrass band play! The boy is not a fan of string quartets, and as much as I love the image of a bride walking down to Canon in D, I love the idea of something more personal.

Bluegrass is a perfect choice for us because we first met and fell in love in North Carolina, and we used to listen to bluegrass music all the time when we lived there! Some of my best memories of North Carolina involve long Sunday drives where we would listen to the local NPR station play bluegrass. The boy lived in a big ole farmhouse then, and we used to have big bonfire parties where a couple of his friends would play the banjo and guitar. Ahhh, memories...

So far, the plan is to have the bluegrass band play all during the ceremony (while people are being seated, the processional, and the recessional) and also during the cocktail hour directly following the ceremony. If the weather is beautiful, that means they will be playing right on the lake, while we take pictures and our guests minge. Perfect.

Now I just need ideas for what songs they are going to play. Please let me know if you have any suggestions!

Using our resources

2009-09-10T15:04:00.001-05:00

While Wisconsin may not have sandy beaches, it does have a couple of perks for the boy and I in regards to wedding planning. And they are HUGE perks.

1. The boy has a florist in his family. (Feel free to cue hallelujah music.) That's right, a florist. And because they are incredibly generous human beings, they are giving us our flowers for our wedding present. When they told us this, I almost wept. This is amazing for me because when I was cutting expense categories, I was finding it easy to give up many things, but I could not bring myself to skimp on flowers. Now I am not going to take advantage of their kindness by having a floral explosion, but I do have plans for some lovely flowers.

(I adore this bouquet!)

2. The restaurant I worked at during grad school (aka, my second home) is going to shut down for our reception. We are going to get a ridiculous deal on some of the most amazing food I've ever had. I will personally know the talented chefs making our food and the servers working the event. Pretty cool.

Check out how beautiful this restaurant is:

http://www.harvest-restaurant.com/

(did I mention it has a view of the capitol? And that the linens and tableware in general is beyond what we could hope for? Ummmm, yeah.)

Are you having your wedding somewhere because of your connections/resources there?

But there aren't beautiful beaches in Wisconsin!

2009-09-08T17:56:00.000-05:00

My dream location:

Wisconsin:

(ok, so it's not always that bad...)

That's right, we are getting married in Wisconsin. I've let go of the beach wedding dream, and for good reason. Other than me, the most important people in the boy's life are his grandparents. They've always been there for him (especially when his family was going through difficult times), and they are truly amazing people. So amazing, that they love and accept me even though I am not Catholic, and they are completely fine with us having a non-religious ceremony. (and they are reeeeally Catholic, like attend church every day Catholic) Anyway, they are both over 80 and can't travel long distances anymore. In addition, the boy has another family member that we are both close with that can't fly because of a medical condition.

So it just started to make sense to plan a Wisconsin wedding. The wedding will be in Madison, where we both lived during grad school and is very special to us. His family will easily be able to drive in, and it is a great city for all of our friends who will be coming in from out of town.

And you know what? I'm not even upset about the whole beach wedding thing. Because honoring the people we love is more important than following a vision that I had in my head. Enough said.

I dream of beach weddings...

2009-09-07T08:22:00.001-05:00

I must admit, that long before I even met the boy, I knew what I wanted my wedding to look like. (That's right, it was MY wedding. I've now learned to plan OUR wedding, but that's for another post!) Because I have a touch of what my friend Abby describes as "a little bit of a hippie vibe", I gravitated towards a laid-back, barefoot beach wedding. Something about feeling the sand beneath your feet and the ocean at your back as you recite your vows to your beloved is just so perfect. For example, take a look at this:

or this:

How can you not want to grab your significant other and run to a beach to get married now?!?
-All images from the lovely Kathryn at Snippet and Ink (http://snippetandink.blogspot.com/)

But I've had to let go of my fabulous beach wedding dream and trade it for an even more fabulous vision that speaks to who the boy and I are as a couple. Because we are a team, and this wedding is about us. And that's what its all about.

Did you have a completely different vision of your wedding before you started planning? Did that vision change? Why/why not?